Goodnight, Comics

All right now, children, all right. Everybody settle down. Hushabye, now, hush. Gather ‘round. You’ve all had a busy summer, full of Frost Giants and Decepticons and cartoon Nazis, but all of that is over now. All of the movies have come out, and all of the teasers have been teased, and the Con has Conned. Everything has happened, and it’s time to wind down. It’s time to put on your jammies and put away the spoilers and sexy movie mutants and their Cuban Missile Crises for another year. All that’s left to do is quiet down, and let the autumn and its events wash over you.

Shhh, shhh.

Goodnight, Comics.

Goodnight, Marvel movies. You worried us for much of last year, then you turned out to be pretty rad.

Goodnight, Norse gods. You ended up being more interesting and less ridiculous than I ever would have imagined when forming my comic-buying behavior in 1985, when I thought I wanted nothing to do with you. You were so good in your own movie that I saw it twice, and then you showed up in another movie to remind me of a connection between you and the Nazis that had not occurred to me since Mrs. Carter’s Social Studies class. You got me to fall down the wikipedian rabbit hole, where I learned that Adolf Hitler took the time in 1941 to go on the record calling Odin worshippers “inexpressibly stupid.” To put it another way: when Grandpa was my age, Odin worship was still on the table. This factoid is on track to inspire an incredible Thanksgiving argument with Dad about religion.

Goodnight, Ryan Reynolds. Better luck next time. You are still very charming.

Goodnight, post-credits sequence. We all knew you were there, but you made us wait for you anyway, with 48 ounces of cola sloshing around inside us. You made the world look very different to my impatient friend, who doesn’t know you exist and who will ask me to confirm a rumor he heard about an Avengers movie six months from now.

Goodnight, Mark Ruffalo. See you next year.

Goodnight, 2012 announcements. You were so exciting, you were almost worth Paul’s life.

Goodnight, Mockingbird TV show on ABC Family. You sound like you will bother several people if you ever end up happening, but I am pulling for you anyway.

Goodnight, Cable.

Goodnight, all the hard work Duane Swierczynski did rehabilitating Cable. Please try not to punch the Watcher on your way out.

Goodnight, Kevin Bacon’s ascot. We will never meet again, but you made the difference between good summer and great summer.

Goodnight, day-and-date digital. After almost a decade of dithering, it sounds like this is going to be your year to put the pirates out to sea.

Goodnight, Borders.

Goodnight, guy who was always sitting in the middle of the floor in the manga aisle of Borders, reading all the books for free. I’m not one to point fingers.

Goodnight, 52 Reboot. We have said every possible word there is to say about you, and you haven’t even happened yet.

Goodnight, Batgirl. A lot of people got to see themselves in you for a long time, and that can’t be taken away.

Goodnight, Death of Spider-Man. You were the perfect ending to a story I didn’t want to end.

Goodnight, Fear Itself. They’re already beating the drum about what happens after you. There never seems to be time to sweep up the rubble and play some softball these days.

Goodnight, tie-ins. You completely overwhelmed me, moreso than ever before. I surrender; just spare my family.

Goodnight, San Diego. I am completely cowed by the very thought of booking a hotel in you, but who knows? Maybe we will meet again one day.

Goodnight, Legend of the Hyatt Bar.

Goodnight, Hall H. I didn’t hear much about you this year, actually.

Goodnight, steampunk Ghostbuster cosplayers.

Goodnight, Comics. We have packed a lot of living into this summer, and it technically still has a month left in it. For now, though, the sun is setting. Here’s to the quiet.

 

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Jim Mroczkowski ZzzzzZZZZZzzzzz.