200 Words with Paul Dini #50 – Yo ho!

February 19, 2008

In these days of looming economic uncertainty, it’s good to know there is still one never-fail moneymaking industry flourishing with real growth potential. I be speaking of course, of high seas piracy.

Ahoy, shipmates. Ye toiled for years (I’m sorry, yaarrs) seekin’ fulfillin’ careers (I’m sorry, caraarrs), but today’s corporate bilge rats say ye be fit only fer temp office jobs or a late shift at Staarrbucks. Be that honorable work for a lad/lass with a belly for adventure? No, by hammer and tongs and all that other gibberish no one really understands. Cast a weather eye to yonder headlines. Who these days, apart from Bernie Madoff, be rakin’ in plunder? Pirates! The parrot fetishists of yore have been replaced by modern speedboat buccaneers armed with tracking systems, cell phones and automatic weapons. Why, Somalia’s coastline be burstin’ with opportunity for brave corsairs adept with RPGS (that be rocket powered grenades, sorry, Pirate vs Ninja role players).

So grab yer Jack Sparrow costumes and Strider swords, they be not purely for comic con any more! We sails with the tide for financial security, and, granted we kidnap a hapless sawbones, affordable medical care. Now that be a stimulus package, arrr!


Paul Dini is the Emmy and Eisner Award winning writer of Batman: The Animated Series, Superman: The Animated Series, Detective Comics, Countdown among many, many other things. You can find him online at either kingofbreakfast.livejournal.com or http://www.jinglebelle.com/.



  1. I have no friggin idea what this article is talking about…

  2. You should watch the news more.  🙂

  3. Doing 200 words in pirate is no mean feat.

  4. You mess with Captain Hawkins, you’re gonna walk the plank!

  5. One of my friends twittered about being disasisfied with his current profession/goal of being a writer and I suggested Somalian piracy not five minutes ago. Lord knows I’m considering it. Hear hear, Mr. Dini, hear hear.

  6. Get in line!  Tom Katers and I are already making plans to rule the Somalian seas!

  7. It’s the Crimson Permanent Assurance!!!

  8. Monocle had a really great article about this and they talked about the anti-piracy security companies on their podcast: http://www.monocle.com/webprogrammes/The-Monocle-Weekly/Edition-04/

  9. =p tis true! I r a Somali (it’s grammatically "somali" not "somalian" Ottobot =p) and never have I been more proud when I hear folk near the coastline being territorial… again. XD Very controlling angle at handling things ya know. (ie: strangers like Mariner ships are unwelcomed for the most part).

  10. Madoff might have 50 billion, but let’s not forget Allen Stanford with his cool 8 billion he stole. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allen_Stanford

    I’m guessing he’s not the last one. We’ll need to raid another pirate ship because modern weapons and a good fast ship cost a lot. 

  11. A friend of mine once wrote a job application in pirate speak. He got through to the third round of interviews.

  12. @Mangaman – Really? I could’ve swore I’d read Somalian before and from some sort of legit news site, too. My apologies.

    @Conor – You’re going to have to fly some sort of special Batman flag or something so I’ll know you’re a friendly. Unless your not. Then it’s up the yardarm and keep the powder dry…

  13. We are friendly to no man.  Yar.

  14. Bah, I’m going to join a cabal of ninjas.  That’s where the money’s at.

  15. these articales continually show me just how odd dini is, but lord help its great

  16. @Tork – like The Hand? That’d be kinda cool…

  17. After reading this article and the ensuing conversation I can’t get this song outta my head. This is probably how I’d sail around as a pirate, anyway. I wouldn’t get anything done.

  18. @conor  In pirate should that not read "We BE friendly to no man. Yaaaaaar"


  19. pirating huh? what kind of health plan does it come with?

  20. Oranges for scurvy.

  21. @voodoomama– Considering a good percentage of pirates have some sort of amputation, I’m guessing not good.

    "Yaargh, I got me some athlete’s foot."

    "Ergh, we gonna hafta cut the whole leg.  Only way to be sure."

    "Really?  Whole leg?"

    "Whole leg."

    "You know it’s not that bad. I’m certain it’ll clear up in a day or two."

    "Don’t be sassing me, boy.  That’s poofter talk.  Now gimme your leg…"

  22. @ tork as long as they give me something to bite down on it’ll be improvement from what I’ve got.

  23. Meh, the ninjas have a better plan.  They got ninja magic. Or Seppuku.  I forget which.

  24. If venturing to African, it may be in your best interest to learn how to say "Parlay" in Somalian…

  25. There are great opportunities for private contractors to defend high-value shipments in the Gulf of Aden.  Pirate-hunting is ALSO great money! 

    In OTHER pirate-related stories… I sometimes shed a tear for the way we maritimers have forgotten about our fine pirate heritage.  A great-uncle in my family served aboard the Nellie J Banks, a rum-smuggler in prohibition days.  That’s near-pirate.  Newfie pirates are more likely ‘ta say tunderin blue jesus bye’ instead of yarr.  

    I leave you now with a refrain from my favourite pirate song, which is definitely best sung when drunk. 

    Oh the year was seventeen seventy eight
    I wish I were in Sherbrooke now!
    A letter of marque came from the King
    To the scummiest vessel I’ve ever seen
    God Damn them all! I was told
    We’d cruise the seas for American gold
    We’d fire no guns, shed no tears
    Now I’m a broken man on a Halifax pier
    The last of Barrett’s privateers.

  26. @CAM: We are pirates with good grammar.

  27. i hate pirate s**t.

  28. Pirates rule! Somalia’s gotten rough, though; might be a good idea to move east and hit South Asia…

  29. It’s always rough. Last time I visited family I almost lost my passport, which would have been a nightmare. Hell I probably wouldn’t be typing this now if I did. =|