Just by opening this horrible book of filth, you are commiting an act of treason.  One of the covers clearly shows a woman with a “liberty” price tag on her, being chained against her will.  It’s the kind of defamation that would get you hanged in poorer countries.

With that kind of garbage on the cover, I shouldn’t have been shocked by the UnAmerican drivel that passed for stories in this “comic”, but I was.  There was no Superman swooping in to save the day in these stories.  No Archie asexually trying to get to know Betty and Veronica better so he can decide which girl he should marry and raise a family with.  Not a single kite eating tree giving the old so-and-so to Charlie Brown.  Nay.

This book shamelessly assaults the right thinking Americans who make this country great: censors, copyright lawyers, and mothers dressed in pig masks.  And the language!  Such naughtiness!  I don’t know who Jimmy Palmiotti is, but and how does he need to have his mouth washed out with some good old fashioned Ivory soap (it’s pure, you know, like our great nation).  And those sketches by Jim Lee in the back.  I’m horrified by how naughty pictures that don’t actually show naughtiness can be.  They were so….suggestive.  As a right thinking appreciater of art, I feel that they should have had all those leering eyes masked out, like the way the eyes and genitals are masked out in those gay Japanese porno videos I found that led me to kick out my last husband.

Free speech is a privilege.  Not a right.  And the contributors to this abomination should have their free speech rights revoked, and they should be sent back to England, or whatever backwards country Neil Gaiman is from!  WE WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS FILTH IN OUR COMIC BOOK STORES!!!  Boy howdy, am I going to write a sternly written letter in the next issue of Wizard Magazine.