Wolverine Giant-Size Old Man Logan #1

So Doctor Bruce Banner basically decides to live as a cave man. So Doctor Bruce Banner decides to name all his kids redneck names and get into the whole redneck culture. Yeah, that sounds like a logical, interesting progression to take with the character of Doctor Bruce Banner.

Y'know, like how in Days of Future Past you see Magneto working with the X-Men in the future and you think, "Wow, that's interesting--something important must have happened." And Claremont's decision to show Magneto working with the X-Men in that story really underscored--for probably the first time to that extent--the idea that despite being a super-criminal Magneto is actually a freedom fighter for his people, and when push (Sentinels) came to shove (laws against mutants) he would work with the X-Men and the X-Men would work with him.

You know what that sort of forecast-characterization compares to? The idea, in Old Man Logan, that Bruce Banner would want to fuck his cousin. Damn, I mean, why didn't anyone else think of that? It's so obvious and enlightening and it totally extends what we know of Dr. Bruce Banner so far. Yeah, I mean, he's a smart guy...so he'd want to fuck his cousin She-Hulk, and then start up a redneck life and just decide to be a super-cruel landlord to a bunch of poor people. That sort of life TOTALLY brings out the subtleties of Dr. Bruce Banner's character. When you think about it (super-smart scientist, guy who's running from his demons, guy who wants peace for himself...), it totally makes sense that this complex genius-level character would totally find his fulfillment by becoming a redneck caveman landlord.

Yeah--y'know what? Okay, I'll drop the sarcasm. The point is, I'm harping on the Bruce Banner we see at the end of Old Man Logan because I think Millar's handling of this "character" is a microcosm of how flawed his whole vision is. If you actually think that the random nonsensical future Mark Millar showed us was actually interesting, then YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK! Or you might be a lazy reader, who will just accept whatever swill they put in the troth this time and tell you it's "groundbreaking". This world was, by turns, senseless (Venom-dinosaurs, unexplained kid with Ant-Man helmet) or else completely predictable ("Y'know who'd make a good surprise evil dictator president? The Red Skull! Big stretch! It really says something new about the character!"). God, people, grow up. How much longer are you going to be fooled by hype-driven crap like this?

ON THE OTHER HAND.

It was fun. It was different from most things, I guess. It was exciting enough. The art was way better than what you usually see in comics. I may not think the story in this issue had much substance...but I like Clint Eastwood Westerns, so I enjoyed all the aping of that motif. And, again, while I may think the story was inane...the story-TELLING skills, panel-progressions, set-ups...all that was pretty damn solid.

I enjoyed it alright, but I feel that the mentality behind this sort of thing--if it's encouraged or indulged in too much--is very bad, because the story is very, very stupid and yet most people don't even notice. Y'all're being tricked into swallowing shit and thinking it's sugar, or whatever. And I'm afraid that's going to corrupt your sense of taste eventually. That's why I write a review like this. Not to get my rocks off, but because, seriously, that people were calling this a "classic" before the final part was even published...was seriously worrying to me.

What can I do but be honest here? After all, these things we write...these are REVIEWS, right? Not CRITICISM. A review basically means you say whether you liked it or not, whereas criticism actually entails more intellectual brainwork, comparisons with other literature, and making sociological and psychological points about the author and the readership. Not that reviews can't try to do some of that either, but let's be honest... What we've got here is a huge database of random, faceless names just saying little more than "I liked this!", "I hated this!", "MEH", "...Best ___ ever!", or "...*SLOW CLAP*..." over and over and over again. That's fine. It's useful enough. I look at certain reviews and get enough information to make decisions about my buying habits. And some of the reviews in themselves are entertaining (more entertaining than the comics, sometimes). But what we do here isn't criticism...meaning that taking on these comics (good or bad) from an intellectual standpoint just doesn't really fly...due to the nature of the forum. So that means that it's easy for comics that are "fun" to slide by even though they may have deep failings, problems and shortcomings that aren't quite apparent when you're moved to only judge the surface based on raw "fun". Because when you're forced to be in the "review"-mentality, if something is "fun" then it's like nothing else matters. (On the other hand, imagine trying to get a literature paper published, or accepted for a passing mark, if all you do in the paper say things like "I like Virginia Woolf! She's fun! Pure literary goodness! Faulkner? ....MEH!")

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Final words:

"No more GAMES. No more TALKING...I'm just here to KILL you  people."

^Hey look, guys. That's Mark Millar's Wolverine talking, in the supposed "Best Wolverine Story of All Time!" He went from Claremont's sullen, reluctant fighter, who always fought his animal nature and had a deep sense of honor...to a carbon-copy BADASS who says "...I'm just here to KILL you people." Wow, Mark Millar, what a fascinating take on the character. ...THEY PUSHED HIM TOO FAR! How original. "...I'm just here to KILL you people." Wow, what a great, unique character Wolverine has become.

Still--honestly--it was alright fun. I actually don't have much of a problem with the series--overall, I "liked" it, barely--but I think it's very sad that most people who enjoy it way more than I do seem to have NO idea about the logistical leaps going on here. If it doesn't register with you that this version of Bruce Banner bears NO resemblance to the real Bruce Banner, and that the place Millar took the character was the opposite of an enlightening one, then you seriously need reading comprehension help. If in your denial you hold fast to the paper-thin excuse that Banner's radiation might have affected his brain--even though he still seems perfectly articulate--then you miss the point that, really, this just isn't an interesting place to take the character: it's just a convenient pretext for Millar to use very mean cliches (hick-talk, redneck land), create a nonsensical conflict (Bruce Banner as a...landlord?) and then bring in ultraviolence to resolve it. Don't you see how the whole point of this was obviously the violence, and that cogent characterization and logic didn't matter at all?

And I'm not even writing this review in the way I am to be a jerk; it's just the truth. If you don't notice these logistical problems: please, take the time to be a more competent reader. It's like a recommendation, to not take things at face value all the time. See, I can enjoy it nonetheless, "for what it is", without killing my braincells and letting bad writing take advantage of me. That's my opinion. Overall, I'd still give this a 2.5 rounded up to a 3. I didn't mind paying $5 for this.