Hello Ladies and Gentleman, this is Don Pardo welcoming you to another episode of…

WHOLE AUDIENCE YELLS TOGETHER WITH DON

“Who Wants To Date a Super Hero!”

APPLAUSE

And your host for the evening, heeeeeeerrrrrrrs Ghostmann!

MORE APPLAUSE

G-Mann:
Thank you Don and thank YOU (points to the audience). Boy do we have a special night in store for you. Many of you since we started doing this show, what, how long has it been Don?

DON’S VOICE BOOMS OVER THE SPEAKERS

That would be ten years G-Mann

G-Mann:
Wow, ten years. Well like I was saying, during those ten years many of you have written in, called in, emailed in, phoned in, your desire to see one particular super hero here on Who Wants To Date a Super Hero, and folks, I’m here to say that we have heard your cries and tonight I am proud to give you…

BATMAN!!!!!

THE AUDIENCE ERUPTS IN APPAUSE AND YELLS AS THE CURTAIN IS DRAWN BACK TO REVEL FOUR DIFFERENT BATMAN SITTING IN CHAIRS

G-Mann:
That’s right folks! Tonight our lucky lady will be choosing one of these four Batmen to go on a date with. So without further adieu let’s meet our contestant – from the pages of The Walking Dead its ANDREA!

MORE APPLAUSE

Andrea:
Thanks G-Man. Good to be here.

G-Mann:
So Andrea, please tell me why you are here tonight?

Andrea:
Well G-Mann, as you know in my book The Walking Dead, things are little tough in the dating scene. I mean I fell in love with like an 80 year old dude named Dale – but he got bitten and went off to die alone, so that ended badly. Most recently I have tried to start something up with our leader Rick but he’s just wound a little too tight. So here I am, on your show hoping to find the right guy.

G-Mann:
Well Andrea, I got a feeling tonight is your night. Let’s get right into it shall we?

Andrea:
Let’s

G-mann:
Ok, behind the wall there are four Batman, it is your job to ask questions of them which will help you make your decision at the end of the show on which Batman you want to go on a date with.

Andrea:
Got it G-Mann. I think I’m ready. Okay, Batman #1, what is your idea of a romantic date?

BATMAN #1:
It’s Night. You. Me. The darkness. Maybe a candle. Who knows. All I do know is that I must stop The Joker. I’m so close now. I can taste his sweat. I can feel his…

Andrea:
Uh, thank you Batman #1. Moving on. Batman # 2, same question. You idea of a romantic evening?

BATMAN #2:
Well Andrea let me start out by saying, a funny thing my father use to tell me when I was young, “Love and respect woman. Look to her not only for comfort, but for strength and inspiration and the doubling of your intellectual and moral powers. Blot out from your mind any idea of superiority; you have none.”

Andrea:
Wow, that’s uh, beautiful. Not sure what that has to do with a romantic date but I’ll take it. Okay Batman #3, your turn. Where would you take me on our first date?

BATMAN #3:
……..

Andrea:
Hello, Batman #3?

BATMAN #3:
oh, sorry, I was flexing. Hmm, first date? Well, how about Bennie’s down over on 22nd street? You know, behind the alley there? Last time I was there I got thrown through a brick wall, but don’t worry Andrea baby, I broke that fools left thumb and gave him a concussion.

Andrea:
yeah, ok, lovely. Batman #4, can you tell me your prefect date for us?

BATMAN #4:
Andrea, there would be no time for dinner or dancing, because when you opened that door I would force myself on you like a dog in heat. Your firm breasts would form into my strong hands while my fingers ran across your pink, erect nipples. Ripping your clothes off I throw you on the bed and feast upon your skin. Turning you over I grab…

G-Man:
Okay Okay Batman #4, remember, this is a family show.

Andrea:
Thank you Batman #4, yikes, did it get a little warm in here? Let’s see, back to Batman #1. I find that you can tell a lot about a person by their hobbies. Tell me about some of your favorite things to do?

BATMAN #1:
The night comes swiftly in Gotham. I am there to welcome it’s cold embrace. The day holds only memories of loneliness. I care not for the sun. I am the night.

Andrea:
Uh.. right. Batman #2, let’s imagine we having a picnic in a beautiful country field, when suddenly from the forest ahead, a horde of zombies come at us. How would you protect me?

BATMAN #2:
Funny thing about zombies, its always been the folklore that in order to put a zombie down you need to destroy the brain. But in actuality it is a certain part of the brain that needs to be destroyed. The brain is made up of six different regions: The Telencephalon, The Cerebellum, The Diencephalon, The Pons, The Midbrain, and The Medulla. It is this last one, The Medulla that must be destroyed for the zombie to cease functioning. You see, my father once told me…

Andrea:
Thank you Batman #2. I can see you would be handy to have a around in a zombie apocalypse. Batman #3, If you could take me once place in the world where would it be?

BATMAN #3:
………

Andrea:
Batman #3? Are you flexing again?

BATMAN #3:
Huh? Oh, yeah, I kinda was. Sorry. What was your question? Did I tell about the time my head got put thru a cement wall 2 feet thick? Oh man, I was feeling that one for days. Then there was the time I feel 20 stories and landed on a pile of steel girders. Can you say ouch? Then there was this one time…

Andrea:
Nevermind Batman #3. Batman #4, tell me how you would impress my parents if I took you home to meet them?

BATMAN #4:
First I strip your mom naked and suck her breasts right there in front of your dad. I would then reach down and finger her till her juices flowed like honey from the hive. Soon your father would have no choice but to acknowledge that the erection in his pants was too extreme to ignore any longer and he would join in. After I finish with your parents I turn my attention to you and only you, taking you by force over and over again until you…

G-Mann:
Jesus Christ Batman #4!!! Enough!

A BELL STARTS TO RING: DING DING DING

G-Mann:
Ahhh, that sound means that time is up Andrea and you must now choose which Batman you want to take you out on a date.

Andrea:
Wow G-mann, this is harder then I thought. First let me get the easy ones out of the way. Batman #1, you are a little intense for me. Sorry. And Batman #3, well, let’s just say I like a brain to go with my brawn. So G-Mann, it’s going to be between Batman #1 and Batman #4

G-Mann:
Well, let’s meet the first two Batman you didn’t pick. Batman #1 is… DETECTIVE COMICS BATMAN! Written by Tony S. Daniel!

DETECTIVE COMICS BATMAN COMES OUT FROM BEHIND THE WALL AND WALKS TO GIVE ANDREA A HUG.

Andrea:
Sorry Detective Comics Batman. Uh, what’s that you are holding in your hand there? Is that? Is that The Jokers face?

Detective Comics Batman:
Yes. It is. Have you seen him?

Andrea:
No, and please leave, you are kinda freaking me out.

G-Mann:
And the nest Batman we say goodbye to is Batman #3… BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT! Written by David Finch!

BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT BATMAN SMASHES THROUGH THE WALL AND TACKLES ANDREA

G-Mann:
Good Lord man! Calm yourself!

BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT BATMAN:
Sorry. It’s a habit.

G-Mann:
And now Andrea, only two Batmen left. Which of them will be the one for you?

Andrea:
As much as I really want to pick Batman #2, who’s really seems like a sweet and caring Batman and well informed I might add, I have to go with Batman #4, if only for the simple fact that I haven’t been fucked in ages.

G-mann:
Well folks there you have it! Andrea picks Batman #4! Let’s meet the one she didn’t pick first, Batman #2… BATMAN BATMAN! As written by Scott Snyder!

BATMAN BATMAN STEPS THROUGH THE HOLD LEFT IN THE WALL BY BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT BATMAN. HE TAKES ANDREA’S HAND AND KISSES IT.

Batman Batman:
I wish you the best on your date Andrea. It’s been a pleasure. You know, this reminds of something my father said to me once…

G-Mann:
Oh thank you Batman Batman. Now then, let’s meet the Batman Andrea will be spending an all expenses paid, romantic night in Gotham City with… BATMAN #4 CATWOMAN BATMAN! As written by Judd Winick!

CATWOMAN BATMAN RUNS OVER TO ANDREA IMMEDIATELY RIPS HER CLOTHES OFF AND THROWS HER DOWN ON THE GROUND. ANDREA MOANS AND CLAWS HIS BACK, HER LEGS IN THE AIR

G-Mann:
Well folks, there you have it. Another love connection made on…

THE WHOLE AUDIENCE YELLS TOGETHER

“Who Wants To Date a Super Hero”!!!!!

G-Mann:
Goodnight everybody!