Green Lantern GloBalls and Flash Cakes

Hostess knows comic fans.  They're not putting out vegan JLA meatless burgers.  Oh no.  Hostess says, "let's give them something entirely unnatural, and likely a little bit disgusting."

I found these images on The Cool Kids Table, and had to share immediately.

First up, we've got Green Lantern GloBalls, a name that's far, far too easy to make jokes about, so I'll leave you to it.  It looks like it's some creme (as opposed to cream) filled chocolate cakes, covered in marshmallow and bright fucking green coconut bits.  Nummy num nums.

 

Next, Hostess has concocted something a little more familiar with their Flash Cakes.  Looks like your standard Hostess Cupcake, with Flash colored "frosting" and yellow sprinkles, having the exact opposite effect on your speed as Barry's connection with the speed force does. I'm gonna just assume Ethan Van Sciver designed these.

 

All right, report in. Who's already eaten them?

Comments

  1. Paul Montgomery PaulMontgomery (@fuzzytypewriter) says:

    I will try Flash Cakes, but no coconut for me! 

    Also, what I pitched to them was: "Grodd Balls" and "Kilowog Kakes"  

  2. powerdad powerdad says:

    oh my god, i’m already feeling sick.

  3. powerdad powerdad says:

    "Flash Cakes! Gives you the sugar necessary to turn you into a speed-force!"

  4. powerdad powerdad says:

    "GLOBalls! Yes, we know you can make fun of them. That was marketings clever idea. You won’t stop talking about them, and thus we’ll go all the way to the bank! Eat up little ones, eat up!"

  5. RoiVampire RoiVampire says:

    Those Flash cakes look nummy

  6. WheelHands WheelHands says:

    Fantastic. The name Green Lantern isn’t even prominently featured on the packaging. Now whenever I wear my Lantern shirt kids are gonna shout "Hey! Globalls!".

  7. powerdad powerdad says:

    Actually, I think the GLOBalls are made AFTER you have a Flash Cake! Yup! Billy just can’t keep them down — and look, up comes the GLOBall!

  8. gobo gobo says:

    I don’t trust anything that says "Cremy Filling"

  9. Heroville Heroville says:

    "Put Hal Jordan’s balls in your mouth…..everyone else has"

  10. powerdad powerdad says:

    "Hi there, Hal.  Are those GLOBalls in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?"

    (Perhaps today I should just be powerTeenager, I think I’ve lost my "Dad"-hood for at least a day or so.)

  11. Alfred Alfred says:

    Why does the Flash Cakes box describe them as “scary”?

  12. drakedangerz drakedangerz says:

    Give me a Twinkie shaped like a batarang and I’ll buy 5 boxes.

  13. Ali Colluccio WonderAli (@WonderAli) says:

    coming soon… Super Qs, Wonder tWinkies, and Bat-dongs

  14. Josh Flanagan josh (@jaflanagan) says:

    @Alfred – That’s a really good question.

  15. stuclach stuclach says:

    Anyone up for some diabetes flavored fun?

  16. powerdad powerdad says:

    Yo Come On Move This

    Flash those Cakes!
    Flash those Cakes!

    People dont you know, dont you know
    its about time
    cant you hear the jam is pumpin
    while you taste the piece of Flash Cake

    (Sung to the song Move This - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCPdrRX06gk)

  17. LBolt says:

    @Alfred I have to believe that these are Halloween time only releases.

  18. ccarney ccarney says:

    I have a strict no balls policy. Flash cakes look good. Now I want some.

  19. powerdad powerdad says:

    You call that a Flash Cake?!

    Now, here’s a Flash Cake: http://cakes-by-christi.blogspot.com/2010/08/flash-cake.html

  20. RoiVampire RoiVampire says:

    @Alfred  I’m guessing, just guessing, it has something to do with Halloween. What Halloween has to do with the Flash is another matter all together.

  21. beatdisciple beatdisciple says:

    I think those GLOBalls are just SNOBalls colored green instead of pink.

  22. powerdad powerdad says:

    @beatdisciple You’re spoiling the magic here!  

    Oh, the illusion is broken!  My hopes and dreams dashed!

    ;-)

  23. Alfred Alfred says:

    Ooh! They should put a collection of those old Hostess ads they used to run up on the dc comics app! Those where great! Also, if anything, those balls should be described as scary.

  24. cahubble09 cahubble09 says:

    hoo boy … temptation that I REALLY don’t need … Green Lantern GLOBALLS!!!

    @Heroville: ROFL!!!

  25. Is Tom Katers consulting for Hostess now?

  26. my teeth hurt looking at those pictures. Somewhere Jamie Oliver is crying as he sees America’s children and Adult comic book fans grow fatter by the second. 

  27. It’s like I’m eating Mogo with every bite!

     

    Heh heh…..Kilowog Kakes. 

  28. Crucio Crucio says:

    I want to try one…but then I tried the KFC double down, so I’m a sucker for punishment. (It was gross)

  29. Paul Montgomery PaulMontgomery (@fuzzytypewriter) says:

    Where are you guys getting ‘creme’? They both say "creamy" with an A. 

  30. @Crucio: You mean it was delicious! And it makes you take a nap afterwards.

  31. Alfred Alfred says:

    Oh NOW I know what’s scary! The ingredients list says “safflower oil AND/OR beef fat”. What a horrifying mystery that apparently not even Hostess knows the answer to.

  32. powerdad powerdad says:

    Hey, are these snacks going to violate my vegan power rules? (Tom Jane don’t come after me!)

  33. @alfred—i like how you’re horrified by those ingredients and not the 5000000 other components in these things that no human being can pronounce let alone spell. =) 

  34. Alfred Alfred says:

    It’s not the ingredients themselves that frighten me, it’s the and/or that scares me. “could be some of this, could be some of that, could be both! We don’t know!”. Puting crept ingredients in your products is one thing, bit not being sure which crappy ingredients your putting in there is something else entirely.

  35. Alfred Alfred says:

    @Wally Crept = crap, by the way

  36. @alfred—"Product may or may not be made in a facility that processes peanuts, eggs, poultry, pharmaceuticals, munitions or none or all of the above" —yeah those kinds of things are scary too. 

  37. ctrosejr ctrosejr says:

    What does Hal Jordan get when Carol Ferris won’t put out? — GLOBalls!!  Yes, I went there!

  38. I tend to not associate willpower and high-speed energy with Hostess.

  39. sakuuya sakuuya says:

    @TheDudeVonDoom:

     I agree. They should have made Flash-themed energy bars and sex vans instead.

  40. ccarney ccarney says:

    Swamp thing called, he wants his balls back.

    Oh and by the way,Hostess puts these sno balls out in different colors for different holidays. Anything that gets the great characters out in public is good.

  41. Captain says:

    In brightest day, in blackest night,

    No evil shall escape my sight

    No Matter where the evil falls

    It will never escape Green Lantern’s globalls

  42. boomergirl boomergirl says:

    where were these when my mom packed my school lunches?!

  43. Those GloBalls look like they would produce an entire emotional spectrum of vomit.

  44. Jesse1125 Jesse1125 says:

    ok,  coconut and marshmallow covering a chocolate cake with cream in the middle?

    Globalls? I’d name them "Heavenly Nuggets o’ Joy"

  45. Josh Flanagan josh (@jaflanagan) says:

    "Why is the toilet stained green?"

  46. edward says:

    These Flashcakes gave me the runs!

    Get it? Diarrhea

  47. Dez Dez says:

    I’ll admit it…I’m stopping by the grocery store on the way home.

  48. Josh Flanagan josh (@jaflanagan) says:

    @Dez – I guarantee you that you’re not alone.

  49. ato220 ato220 says:

    Unfortunately named products to say the least.

  50. Reform Reform says:

    AWESO(mmmmmmmmmmmmm)ME

  51. ccarney ccarney says:

    and Robin said" Holy Jolly Green Giant terd balls Batman!"

  52. Neb Neb says:

    If I see these, they will be mine.  I almost don’t believe they exist….

  53. If Hostess can use the other Lantern colors for snack treats then I think we’re gonna be a fatter fanbase.

    Some ‘Star Sapphire Ho-Ho’s', ‘Orange Lantern Donettes’ (Tagline: They’re all mine!), and Black Lantern Cupcakes and we are in business my friends.

  54. Jeff Reid JeffR (@JeffRReid) says:

    Now, people may have taken my going to both Meijer and K-Mart today looking for those Flash Cakes as some sort of problem. Not at all. Tonight, when I hit up Wal-Mart because my searching of those two stores lead to disappointment? That’s when you know it’s a problem.

    I did see Batman on the packaging for regular Hostess Cupcakes. NOT GOOD ENOUGH. 

  55. mickmac59 mickmac59 says:

    I would have responded sooner but I had to wipe the drool off my keyboard. I WANT THESE NOW!!! Also, why didn’t these make it to Australia? Why, Josh, why??!?