Each week the iFanStaff passes along a tasty drink recipe and an even tastier comic book recommendation. The cocktail (or beer, or wine, or booze) and the comic can both be enjoyed independently, but they have a common theme and when served together they can make for the perfect reading experience.
Sometimes you have a rough day at work. A day that’s long and stressful and draining. Sometimes, when you finish a day like that, all you want to do is go home, pour a large, large glass of wine, and read some ridonkulous comics.
This is what one of those nights looks like.
I knew I had a bottle of Pinot Grigio in the fridge. It was a left-over from a Girls Night, intended to be a third (or fourth) bottle for the evening. It’s a drinking wine. Nothing amazing, but tasty enough.
So I pour myself a large, large glass of Circa Pinot Grigio, plop in an ice cube because it’s hot and I don’t need to be classy right now. I kick my feet up on the coffee table, snuggle with the WonderCat, and open up Marvel Comics’ 1993 cross-over event, Bloodties.
Once upon a time, Quicksilver (son of Magneto and member of the X-Men) and Crystal (Inhuman princess and member of the Avengers) had a baby who was born without mutant genes or powers. One of Magneto’s disciples, Fabian Cortez, has kidnapped that Squib Baby and is currently using her as leverage to take control of war-torn Genosha. Nick Fury is off brief the Avengers on the situation.
This is my introduction to 90s comics.
Nick Fury (who for some reason is constantly referred to as “Nicholas”) has to break the news to the Avengers that since they’re now under U.N. charter, they can’t go in to Genosha until they have the all clear from the Security Council. Obviously Crystal’s a bit distraught about her daughter’s kidnapping and the Avengers refuse to sit by while genocide and all manor of ghastly things are happening in Genosha. Crystal and the East Coast team plow through SHIELD to go save the day, while Hawkeye and the West Coast Avengers are off to try reasoning with the U.N.
Meanwhile, everyone’s favorite bureaucrat Henry Gyrich and U.S. Agent are off to pick up Charles Xavier for diplomatic mission to Genosha to see if they can convince those pesky humans to stop killing and enslaving mutates. Quicksilver and the rest of the X-Men are headed in the same direction to rescue Squib Baby. To rally the troops, Gambit makes a funny pun about cards.
During all of this, Magneto is in a psychic-induced coma, compliments of Professor X. Colossus is keeping watch over the catatonic Master of Magnetism who, apparently, is allowed to have vistors. Some guy called Exodus comes to see Magneto to “talk”. This is will only end in tears.
Back on Genosha, it’s complete mayhem. Cortez has lead an uprising and now the mutates are out to kill their human captors. Captain America and the Avengers are attempting to keep peace between the two factions, while Crystal and the Scarlet Witch hunt down Cortez and Squib Baby. Professor X and Beast give Gyrich the slip and meet up with the Mutate Resistance, as the X-Men attempt to neutralize Cortez (who ends up being a decoy). This is the perfect time for Gambit to make another card gag.
EPIC BATTLES ENSUE! War Machine fights Exodus! Sersi fights Exodus! Professor X finds a mutant concentration camp! Mutates blow up humans! Random sideways pages! More wine!
Meanwhile at the United Nations, Black Widow has grown a beard.
During all of this, the real story is going on beneath the streets of Hammer Bay (which is like the capital of Genosha or whatever). Jean Grey & Quicksilver and Crystal & Scarlet Witch have crossed paths on their hunt for Cortez and Squib Baby. They find Cortez sniveling in a sewer, using Squib Baby as a human shield–thinking Magneto’s innocent kin will keep him safe from the angry Exodus (who is technically supposed to be in charge of Magneto’s followers). Then Exodus shows up and starts monologuing. Like a lot. Seriously. I took a drink every time he said, “I AM THE HEIR OF MAGNUS!!” I apologize for typos from here on in.
Meanwhile Scott Summers is saving babies. I love 90s Cyclops.
Professor X sends out a desperate call for his X-Men. The shit’s hit the fan in the concentration camp, and Beast and U.S. Agent can no longer keep the human forces back. Once out of the camp and back onto the streets of Hammer Bay, Professor X, and lots of good teamwork, finally takes Exodus out. Editorial clearly dropped the ball on the Comedy Rule of Three here because instead of making a card pun, Gambit flirts with Sersi.
And they all lived happily ever after! The end!
All kidding and unintentional humor aside, I did genuinely enjoy this comic. It’s a classic, bombastic “event” that’s a ton of fun if you just go along with it. And in the middle of watching the X-Men and the Avengers fight against each other, it’s nice to go back and watch the two teams fight along side each other… with bomber jackets and pouches.
Please obey the law and only drink if you are of age. Drink responsibly and never, ever, ever drink and drive. Buy the comics that make you happy and share them with your friends.