COMIC BOOK JOB EVALUATIONS: Kyle Rayner

Hello, and welcome to Job Evaluations. We stumbled upon a box of files here at the iFanboy HQ. Inside that box were performance reviews for jobs kept by many of the characters we read about week to week. Let’s dive in!

Today’s evaluation is..well a little on the surreal side.

NAME: Kyle Rayner

OCCUPATION: Artist

EVALUATED BY: Salvador Dali

AN ARTIST
What does it mean to be…an artist? It means to paint, no? It means to sculpt? To draw? To create? Yes. Who is the young boy I am speaking of? He is Kyle Rayner. He is as you say…a hero, his name is di Linterna Verde correct? I know of him. I know of many like him. He is not of my time but I know of him in his time. Listen. He is good boy. He draws. He draws with his hand, and his mind. That makes an artist. Excuse me while I eat my lunch, it is a dandelion.

A TALENT
He is a good artist. He can create great things with his mind. I know his great want was to be artist for newspapers. I know this is a great want for several young boys. He is much better. His canvas should be not pages of news but the heavens. He should use the stars as his ink and the rays of the sun as his stencil. He can do this. I have done this. Please, do not misunderstand me. I enjoy newspaper art. I am very intrigued by the  beauty and drama of jealousy, abuse and infidelity that are shown daily in The Lockhorns.

A COSTUME
I like when people put things on their faces. I like this very, very much. This Kyle Rayner puts much on his face. First he puts a a green crab on his face. I like this. Makes me think of my Lobster Phone. He then puts regular green around his eyes. This I no like as much. Then, then his face becomes a void of space. Now this, this I very much like. He also wears what appears to be a swimsuit. Again I like this. I have a pool. A pool I swim in often. A pool filled with milk.

A SPIRIT
I have no words for this. I have only pictures. Look. Dwell on them.

A STYLE
He began as a afterthought. In the shadow of a death of a greater artist. I see a vision. Blue man, who is small and floating and looks like tiny Archie Bunker. He see’s Kyle in an alley. This tiny blue Carol O’Connor is tired of searching for replacement. He gives up and says “You will have to do.” There is not a soul who expects this young artist to succeed. We all plan on him failing. And he does fail. But, he learns as he fails. He will never be as great as the artist he is replacing but he is learning to become, his own artist. His own lightbulb. His own ion of energy. My vision is over now. I hear my baby tiger crying. Come, he yearns for his mother’s milk. We must feed him.

A FINAL VISION
Many hate him. Many hated me. It is okay to be hated. It is fine to be hated by many and only loved by a few. Kyle Rayner is an artist who will be hated. That is good. That is as they say…’Okay’.

ARTIST RESPONSE
Hi, I am calling about submitting my portfolio to your magazine. I would love if you would take a look at it. Nobody else seems to want to give me a chance. I am friends with Hal Jordan, famed test pilot, if that helps? Hello?  Anyone there? Hello?

Timmy Wood is an artist. His canvas is twitter. View his works of art there.