Disclaimer: This column is about my experiences. To avoid writing “significant other” over and over again, I’m just going to use the term “girlfriend.” Do not take this as a blanket statement about all “girlfriends,” “boyfriends,” men, women, or significant others in general.
It seems a common question: How do I get my girlfriend into comics? I don’t notice this attitude in other subcultures. How do I get my girlfriend to watch football? How do I get my girlfriend into video games? These questions may very well exist, but I don’t hang around those forums. My question is “Why?” Why do we care if our girlfriends read comics? And is her liking comics really a good thing?
I think we care because comics as a subculture comes with a lot of passion. There are rituals that must be adhered to, weekly pilgrimages, and intense discussions of minutiae abound. It’s only natural to want to share your passion with a person who’s very important to you. But there’s also the notion that comics are a boy’s club. Many a female commenter on this site have shared tales of abhorrent treatment they’ve received while attempting patronage at their local comic shop. So maybe when a boy nerd meets a nice girl his attempts to get her into comics is just trying to balance the scales? I honestly don’t know. I think ultimately the reason is more simple than that. Comics have a lot of stigmas, but at the same time everybody knows what they are, and likely has enjoyed something related to comics in their life, it makes sense that comics would naturally develop proselytizing. Nobody needs to convince you to go a football game, football is an acceptable hobby and financially is doing just fine. Comics seems perpetually on the ropes, and our ownership of the medium compels us to share the good news, girlfriend or not.
Most of the women I’ve dated in my life enjoyed reading, but didn’t really read comics before we got together. I’ve had mixed success with comics conversion, but I’ve noticed a few trends that might help if you’re really hoping to get them enjoying the books with you.
1) Don’t overdo it. Your shelves are probably overflowing books that too years to accumulate. Don’t give her, or anyone, a pile that will intimidate more than excite. Nobody needs the entire run of Invincible, if they get through the first 3 volumes and aren’t hooked then it’s not the book for them. Yes, Blankets is great but it’s also gigantic, tread carefully. The book that has had a lot of success for me is Daredevil: Yellow. (Obviously you’re results may vary.) It’s one slim volume, nice to look at, sentimental and heartfelt but still ostensibly a superhero tale. The lesson is simple and applies to more than just comics: Always leave them wanting more.
2) Walk away. If you manage to hand over a few books and they are accepted willingly. Don’t hover. It’s like pulling in a fish too hard, the line might snap. Just give the books and back off. If you are at the stage in your relationship where she can just longue around your place and read, great. If not, you may have to accept that those books aren’t getting read anytime soon, but being pushy won’t help.
3) Events work better than just going to the LCS. Going to the shop is fun, but it’s usually fun for people who already like comics. Don’t bore you new paramour to tears by making them wait while you hunt for back issues. If you’re lucky enough to go to a shop that has events, signings, something different where more people will be there just to hang out rather than shop, go to that. Even a convention works, it’s dynamic, a tad overwhelming, but ultimately social. That’s the key; comics are fun in part because we’re all friends. Introduce the idea that your partner will have more people than just you to enjoy books with. That there really is a diverse assemblage of folks who are into this stuff, and the stereotypes only partly accurate.
But what happens when Wile E. Coyote finally catches Roadrunner? I’ve been dealing with this recently. My girlfriend was interested in comics before we got together (while at an event hosted by Isotope Comics, no less) but moving in with me turned things up a notch. Now she has access to my large library of trades and can sample things at her leisure. Should be a good thing, right? Actually yes, it is, but there are still a few drawbacks worth noting.
The access to entire series means the potential reading of entire series. Seems obvious, right? But if you discovered Transmetropolitan relatively early in the run, you had to wait for each successive trade to come out, she doesn’t. And for every series she finishes, you probably have another one on the shelf nearby. After tearing through Y: The Last Man she reread Walking Dead, started Starman, caught up on Fables, then jumped straight into Sandman. I’m glad, but also kind of jealous, that’s more books than I have the time to read, even if I had the money to go out and by that much new stuff. An unexpected emotion to be sure.
Yes, it is a minor quibble, and really just an excuse to show her ironically passed out over a copy of Sandman, but the point stands. Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. At the end of the day, I’m thrilled she likes comics as much as she does. We don’t actually talk about it that often, I can’t remember the details of something she just finished that I read in 2006, but when we do talk it is fun. Regardless of nights lost to the desire to get through just one more issue, I’ll call her mutual enjoyment of comics a win.
What about you? I imagine everyone here has a different story to tell about significant others and comics, let’s hear about them in the comments!
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Ryan Haupt is happily in a relationship and it’s partly Conor’s fault (ignore his denials). Hear him relate information on the podcast Science… sort of.
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my wife is kinda interested in comics. She reads A LOT…novels, kindle..she’s always reading something, but not as much with the comics. The thing is i’m mostly into superheroes and she does not. She’s curious, but her main critique is “it all looks the same” and “i don’t know all the history stuff of the characters” which if i put on my art director hat and look at my comics from a big picture overview she’s kinda right. I don’t think she’d ever be interested in a single issues.
She’s enjoyed some of my Chris Ware and Daniel Clowes stuff. Shorter reads, kinda fun and accessible. But really its few and far between that she asks me for a recommendation or goes into the office and spends any time looking at the comics bookcase. I think its interesting that there is something about the medium (or stuff that i own) that just has very little thats appealing to a voracious reader like her.
I got my wife into comics through Scalped. No matter who you are or what preconceived notions you have about comics, there is a character (or characters) in Scalped that you can relate to. I think that has a lot to do with Jason Aaron’s amazing work building such complex characters. She was reading American Vampire for a while too but lost interest during Ghost War. Now she’s into GoT (the novels) and has been trying to get me to read those books. I want to read them but I’m not ready to commit to such a huge series. So, somewhat out of spite and somewhat out of joking she’s gone off all comics except Scalped now, she says, until I read GoT.
I’ve made it a point NOT to convert anyone. In the past some of the women that have borrowed my comics developed abilities after the break-up and then magically disappeared my stuff. Is that out of a desire for revenge on me? Don’t know, but I won’t try and persuade another girlfriend to try comics. Today, I warn anyone about two things: I love comics and football. 1) DO NOT bother on sundays during the season cuz I’m not in business. 2) When I’m reading (any reading material), I set up the mood with music (usually classical or movie soundtracks) I pour myself a little hard liquor or wine (different kinds) and the world doesn’t exist. If a girlfriend shows interest in comics I will gladly show her around, but only then and there will be random inspections. Its probably why I’m Han Solo these days.
Man. I can relate. Got a long time boyfriend (fiance actually) into comics and we made a deal. I’d buy the monthlies and he’d get trades. Then when we broke up… I got the long boxes, he got the trades. It was a great blow.
my wife is a huge reader from long before we got together, comics included. when we first got together we talked a lot about comics and what we’d read, what we wanted to read, recommended a lot and loaned/borrowed with each other. we still read some different stuff, some similar stuff, it’s good to have that similarity and difference. before we had a shared bank account we had a deal that she’d buy our groceries, and i’d buy our comics. she’s a keeper (obviously, i married her, and then we went to APE on our honeymoon).
My fiancee used to tease me a bit about my love of comics when we first got together. Then we were at Barnes and Noble one day, reading through Ghost World together, and she just says “Ok, I’m sold.” In the four years since, she’s picked up some of the Fables trades, rummages through my weekly stack, begs me to bring her stuff from the shop were I work part time, has agreed for our wedding invitations to be comic books, said our honeymoon could be San Diego Comicon, made me a Captain America cake for my birthday last year, and felt genuine pity for me when I told her OMAC got cancelled. She’s very supportive of my plans to open my own shop too. She’s great. All kinds of lousy crap happened in my life to lead me to the awful job where I met her, but looking back, losing jobs and being foreclosed on ended up with a mark in the win column.
I got my girlfriend to try out comics awhile back, and she took to them well. She was already nerdy in some regards, and Batman is her favorite hero. I gave her my first comics I read during my evacuation from Katrina (still relatively new to them) Identity Crisis and Green Lantern: Rebirth. She loved them both, and wanted to know what happened after them. So she has methodically read through the entire Crisis series of stuff – Identity -> Infinite Lead Ins (OMAC, Villains United, etc) -> Infinite Crisis -> Final Crisis, etc and she is eating up everything Geoff Johns’ Green Lantern.
But the book that truly got her hooked on comics? Fables. Fables is the definitive gateway drug of comics. It features characters everyone knows, even if you hate superheroes. I’ve caught her on more than one occasion pimping out Fables to her own friends, telling them they need to try it out.
New 52 related, she loves Justice League, Aquaman, Wonder Woman, Batwoman, and of course, Green Lantern and Batman. Marvel wise, she likes the new Daredevil and Wolverine and the X-Men.
My girlfriend has virtually zero interest in comics, with her main gripes being: 1. the art looks the same in all of them and it looks “angry” 2. No idea how to read it panel from panel. I used to try and defend them and convince her that these things weren’t true, but that’s silly because I don’t need her to like comics like I do just as I make incorrect generalizations and have no interest in every god damn show on HGTV. That being said, she did really like looking over my shoulder and admiring Parker: The Martini Edition.
My girlfriend has been culturally influenced by me in the past 2.5 years. I got her to read the New 52 of Justice League. She mentioned she loved Wonder Womans naivatie and the banter, but loved the overall story of the team coming together. I got her to read Walking Dead as well, she is hooked on that and is slowly working her way through my hardcovers. She picked herself up Bayou, which both me and her enjoyed. And Elephantmen, which she loves but I have yet to flick through. She has her eyes on We3 next (Animal Activist at heart)
My next book I’m putting her on is Sweet Tooth and possibly American Vampire.
But I don’t think I will see her reading, say, Batman RIP or Watchmen any time soon. I am actually proud of her for going towards alternate main stream books. Not just the female super heroes or whatever. I say Vertigo is the way to go for introducing your significant other to comics. It has the edge that Superhero books don’t quite have. But another way to go is Indie books. One indie book that I will pick up that will cater to my girlfriends style is Rust.
Good article.
I struck a deal with my lady a while back. She read Y the Last Man in exchange for me reading the first two twilight books. She blazed through Y and really enjoyed it, but hasn’t seen or heard about anything else that has really interested her enough. But after I told her about the whole breastfeeding thing in Saga and some peoples reactions to it, she has been kinda curious about the book. BKV may win her over yet again.
Also I couldn’t hold up my end of that bargain.
BKV is fantastic for bringing in new readers. Runaways and Ex Machina are really easy sells. “Hey, did you like West Wing? Did you like any of those big superhero movies? Well, here you go”
I gave my new boyfriend three books for xmas, Barry Ween, Forgetless, and the first hardcover of Ex Machina, which I think is a slam dunk for getting him hooked.
When I started going out with my girlfriend she had just started to read through Preacher and had the entire run from a friend, as she finished that up I threw some Punisher MAX stuff her way which she loved as well. Fables on a hunch went down well, as is Chris Roberson’s Memorial (and she’s also super interested in the new Fables ongoing starting in March which is nice as I won’t have to buy it now, she will 😛 hahaha).
Batman, Animal Man and Swamp Thing have all come down incredibly well … tried to mix it up a little with Green Lantern, but … yeah that was a mistake. As long as you know what your partner is into, it really shouldn’t be hard getting them to like things – at the end of the day, if they like reading fiction then there is a very good chance they are willing to give comics a try, just to sample another avenue of creativity.
My wife has zero interest in comics. She is interested in the characters (she loves the X-Men films, Nolan’s Batman, and grew up with the Superman movies), but for some reason the art form has never captivated her. I tried to give her some comics to compliment those character interests, but it never took.
I guess I would love to be able to talk to her about comics, but that’s not why I married her. Thankfully we share more important things in common (world view, future plans, etc) and I appreciate her lack of interest as a difference that makes things exciting between us. For example, she has a strong passion for certain genres of music that I just don’t get, but I’m glad she brings those passions to the table. That way we’re both exposing each other to a much wider universe of art & entertainment that will hopefully influence our future family for the better.
But let me say this- in my college years I was desperate to find someone who had the exact same taste as me. For ME, Matt Kelly, that was a mistake. Don’t get hung up on finding the Great White Buffalo. They may not be who you really need.
Well said.
My wife bought us the original softcovers of Gaiman’s “Sandman” which she really enjoyed, she relishes the adaptations of Stephen Kings Dark Tower which are given as Xmas gifts every year as new volumes get collected, and is currently reading the adaptation of “Game of thrones”. She has also suggested that the adaptations of the “Wheel of Time” would be good gifts for her. Other than that, she sees comics as essentially ‘boobs and violence’. She tolerates me buying the kids the DC for kids stuff, like “Batman: the brave and the bold”. So essentially, if she is interested in the story she will read it as a comic/graphic novel. She has no interest in traditional superheroes, but enjoys and appreciates the ‘form’ if used to tell a story she is interested in.
Isotope is the best way to get any non comic fan into comics. The free drinks at their events is the way to get them in the door, and then the awesome vibe and variety of that shop will be the line and sinker. Next thing you know your adding orders of Maus to your pull box for your girlfriend and your buddy is asking you if their are anymore volumes of Sweet Tooth out yet.
Thanks James!
The gal pal has no interest in comics, and I kinda wanna keep it that way.
When I was in college, my girlfriend was staying over from out of town. I had to work a short shift in the morning, so she was just going to hang out in my apartment until I got back home. I (jokingly) told her if she got bored, she could read the issues of Wildcore I had sitting out. Only a ten issue series, when I got back she had finished them and wanted to talk about it. This was definitely not the book I would have recommended to a female, a new reader, or somebody interested in comics. Still she was interested and willing to try more at that point.
Awhile later, we went to Barnes and Noble to the graphic novel section and picked out three volume 1 trade paperbacks: Y the Last Man, Ex Machine, and Fables. Then we both read all three and discussed the choices. This ended up on her being hooked on Y the Last Man. She found Strangers in Paradise on her own, and then the cosmic Marvel books from Dan and Andy ended up being her first single issues she reads as they come out.
Now, we’re married and she reads every book that I do each week (except Savage Dragon; she’s about 75 issues behind but loving it), we pick out our stack each month from the previews together, and go to conventions every year for fun trips. So, thanks Wildcore.
I am a girl and was fortunate enough to have my first serious boyfriend be a geek like me. Neither of us were much into comic books, but our first date happened to include a Sandman loan. Who really got me into comic books was a guy from school, we became very close and he started loaning me everything from New Mutants to Fables, Courtney Crumrin, and a long list of etceteras before I took off on my own. I thank him for that.
No one I’ve ever dated, including the wife, has ever been interested in comics. They always took my collecting as some other aspect of my personality. The fact that they didn’t dump me BECAUSE of comics tells me that had no problem with them. From the time we started dating to now, my wife is immensely supportive, patiently going to all the conventions, hitting other comic shops while on vacation or traveling through new towns, and tolerating the 40 short box collection in our home (as long as they’re out of the way). From time to time, she has looked at some material I’ve shown her: samples of great artistic moments, humorous stuff, etc. but overall, they’re just not her thing.
If I had the opportunity to try to introduce a girlfriend to comics, I’d give her Astro City #1/2.
I’m lucky. While my husband never read comics before he met me, he’s got his own geek quirks and is pretty open to the whole think. So what started as accompanying me to midnight movie openings and asking me questions so he can sound smart on the internet, has turned into him picking up and reading any trade or OGN that I happen to leave around.
However, he still doesn’t buy his own comics and he doesn’t really need to. It’s just about being open to my interests enough sit through my babbling and not snip at me when I double dip to get a hardcover, or a pewter Mouseguard figure (SERIOUSLY, they make them for the new RPG. They’re freaking awesome.) It’s just about respect. A significant other doesn’t need to share all your interests, but condescension about the hobby is something I hear about often and isn’t acceptable. Not because comics are so awesome, and how dare they (although they are!) but because it’s not the way to treat someone you care about.
My wife loves to read, and loves the concept of comic books, but can’t read the actual execution. She loves Superhero (Thor, Captain America, X-Men, Batman…) and comic based movies (Red, Kick Ass, Constantine, Scott Pilgrim…) but can’t follow the panels on the page and it gives her a headache.
She likes that I read comics though, and as a result considers me the resource on ALL comic related media, which makes things a bit difficult sometimes. (Her: Is Loki part frost giant in the comics and general mythology, or is that just the movie?” Me: Uh, I don’t know… he COULD have been, or it could have been added later, they change origin stories all the time…”) She also likes to bring up that I’m a comic reader in public, which can really kill a normal conversation depending on company…
What I have done from time to time is TELL her the stories as I go through them. On a vacation I was reading the Scott Pilgrim books, and I would recap each for her when finished, and when she saw the movie she had a good working knowledge of the story. When she had one of our kids I recapped a bunch of the Fables stories which really appealed to her and she wants to know why that isn’t a TV series yet.
So she supports MY reading of them, and enjoys some of the stories through me, but doesn’t do any actual reading herself, but it works. But it’s not just significant others, I couldn’t get my brothers to read comics either, and I KNOW they would dig some of the stories, they just can’t turn the corner and take it seriously as a written medium. Got my son hooked pretty good though! 🙂
My wife doesn’t understand the execution either. All she does is read the words and I kept telling her to slow down and take in the visuals as well. Can be frustrating at times.
“How do I get my girlfriend into video games?”
This actually comes up a lot on Video Game podcasts i listen to. i think these are common questions for any fan of something not necessarily popular with the opposite sex
I figured they probably were, but it’s not a world I’m as connected to, so I decided to just throw it out without exploring the likely reality of there being similar feelings in that subculture.
Every month when I go to pick my comics from that month I always get a copy of the latest Batgirl, to give to my girlfriend and she loves every issue. I think getting your siginificant other into comics is just about what they would like, my girlfriend loves Batman so every month she gets a new Batgirl and she loves it
When me and my girlfriend got together she had read many of the “best comics has to offer” type books, Watchmen, Blankets, Some assorted Wolverine, Spider-Man, and many Bat-Family books. I got her really interested in the medium with Umbrella Academy: Apocalypse Suite, she just got layed off from work, so now she gets to read pretty much my whole Pull List before I do (Excluding a few Titles, such as The Boys, which she doesn’t like) her current favorites are American Vampire, Batman, and Swamp Thing. Also, I think she might have a crush on Scott Snyder.
My wife likes to read graphic novels she just does not like any of the superhero comics. She prefers horror and mystery comics
Before, my wife thinks that I should quit comics but I kinda had to trick her into it. I made her watch an episode of The Walking Dead Season 2 then threatened spoilers cause I had the trades upto the end of The Governor Arc. She read all the trades in 5 days! Now she reads Animal Man, Swamp Thing and really digs American Vampire and Batman so it turned into a win-win situation for me.
My husband and I both love comics, however we hardly ever seem to talk about comics with each other except when something really amazing/bad/shocking happens in a book that we are both reading. We also have different taste in comics as, well my husband tends to read superhero comics and I love all genres. It works for us.
One of my attempts totally backfired on me. I gave her Fables and she loved it and read though the 4-5 trades I had and she kept asking for the next one, I took to long to buy the rest and by the time I got them she said she was over it and hasn’t read Fables or many other books since.
I did just read Identity Crisis this week and told her she would love it as she loved mystery stories so I have left it on the living room table hoping she will pick it up.
My wife doesn’t read comics…but she loves webcomics and comic strips, like the old Popeyes Fantagraphics put out. I try getting her to read stuff but she takes forever to get around to starting something, let alone finishing it. but hey, she plays video games and is gorgeous!
My wife has been pretty resistant to my recommendations until I picked up American Vampire vol. 1 for her and has since taken to reading the monthlies. She also digs the Fables trades. She is way cool about my comics habit however and my varied tastes.
My fiancee and soon to be wife doesn’t really read comics. She has read a few things, but generally just doesn’t have an interest in them. The only things that she’s read that she really loved were Tales From The Farm and recently The Storyteller. That’s about it. She does go to conventions with me and has no problem with my comic book habit.
I’ve never really wanted her to be into comics. If she is, that’s fine, but if not, no big deal. She has her hobbies, and I have mine.
I got my wife into comics quite easily actually. I find the best way to get people into comics I have learned ( have gotten more then 10 reading at least ha ) is to know what type of things that they enjoy and find a book that relates to that. When my wife and I first started dating I knew she was a massive Buffy fan. And it was around the time season 8 started so when better in to get her to read comics then to start her on that. Most people want a start middle and end and not issues I find issues are a big turn off for new readers. I gave her y the last man which she fell in love with and knowing she loves hbo and fairy tales what better book to give her then the book that reads like an hbo show Fables. And she likes horror and zombies in comes walking dead. Bam she is in love with comics now. Most people don’t like superheroes and think comics are only superheroes. So break this pattern and get them reading non superhero books which most of the best books are and get them to realize that there is a comic out there for everyone.
The key is finding the entry point. For my fiance it was Neil Gaiman. She had read Coraline and The Graveyard Book, so getting her into Sandman was easy. I did make a mistake in giving her the Bone One Volume Edition. That was 3 years ago, she still hasn’t cracked it and I KNOW she’ll love the shit out of it.
I bought my wife a copy of V for Vendetta after we watched the movie back in 2005 and she expressed interest in reading it. It’s still sitting unread on her night stand, along with Vol. 1 of Alan Moore’s run on Swamp Thing. Hey, at least she expressed interest.
The hard part isn’t getting your other into this hobby. It’s a tie between accepting that she never will and fighting to retain time and money to continue it yourself!